Change

She woke from a dream, or was it a nightmare , the memories were too faint for her to decide right away but she did have a weird feeling that she had been somewhere unknown and was back . Was it really a different world where she had been for had she forgotten the place she lived. Which was real and which was unreal was a question she was struggling with , it had all seemed so real , the landscapes, the people the life , even the streets and the lampposts. She tried opening her eyes wider than she would normally to observe the world around her ..the trees in her dream had changed to buildings , lots and lots of them and they seemed taller than ever before . Was it possible for a non living thing to grow or was her mind playing tricks on her yet again? Has to me my mind, she tried looking around for people, and she did see lots of them . The skin tones had changed and it again confused her, cause some had got lighter than she had been used to and some had grown darker. She reasoned she was now in a totally different place and things change with the latitudes and longitudes , just that she never thot people around her would and now they had changed too. She hadnt even comprehended this change completly when there was a strong gust of wing blowing past her, and it was again strange to her. Wind back home was warmer and comforting , and this wind brought a chilly feeling with it. She could feel the cold seep to the inner veins in her body and that temporarily shocked her but the resilient soul she was , she came to terms with that sooner than later. After a while the winds couldn't effect her, not the way they would have liked . At best they made her void of feelings but the cold still couldn't get across. It gave her a kind of momentary pleasure to know there was something she has won over, but it didn't last long. She seemed lost again and in the vast universe around her felt she was all by herself.. she wondered what she ever did for a living , did she work , she had a strong feeling she did but cudnt remember when or what. Why did her whole life change so fast she wondered aloud. Was it fair ,she seemed to be asking the one watching her from far far away and the only presence she could still recognize in this new world. and then she saw a smiling face , another one she could recognize and had some semblance of hope , that she was still somewhere safe ..She didn't get a answer to her question but he did smile when she mentioned change..it was like giving her a clue cause he was too busy to answer her queries in detail. It stuck her , she had just been the next in the line on the long queue of people waiting for "change" and change had picked her up. and taken her with him to a new world . And the only conditions were , she wud have to leave everything but herself behind and it would take a lot of courage and she had agreed. It was just time now that would prove to her that things had changed for good and that is how life could move on and guess it was time that was playing games for the time being...

Do Things come back in life

On a particular moment today a thought hit me , does life come back to us , in the sense that if we did something wrong and you believe no one knows it, should you still be scared . Is there something beyond the what you know exists that can keep a track of the wrongs and the rights in life. I would have ignored this thot as I always do but somehow the very moment I had this thought in my mind , I got a email from a friend which had the exact same subject and that got me almost freaked out. It kinda got me thinking about all the wrongs in life and the ones that have come back to me , and the ones that have still not got back. Is it possible , they would sometime or am I over that, is there a time period and how do we know if we are past the timeline and stay completely happy ..Most of us have not committed the bigger wrongs in life like say a murder, but all of us have hurt people along the way, lied, bitched about friends , sometimes life partners and family too but would we like if we were in the same position anytime. Is it not something that would make us more responsible in our actions , knowing things would have a consequence however small or big it might be. I know I have always believed in living life by the moments, but in that one moment that you want to live for urself , maybe you shud give half a moment thot to people who matter to you and maybe weigh down the odds of living that moment exactly the way you want to , to how you could be hurting someone else..Freedom is good unless it encroaches on someone else’ domain and once u are married or even into relationships , the domain definitions are harder to substantiate. You can take the benefit of doubt sometimes , but guess you would have to deal with it sometime urself. I don’t mean to be all religious here and personally don’t subscribe to the heaven and hell perspective after death , but I do believe what you do comes back and in this life itself sooner or later. That got me thinking about more incidents in life when I had been wrong to people and somehow , atleast not yet for which I didn’t face the music and it could work against the logic I just presented but I guess it still fits in with the overall scheme. Let me explain , say I am X and I behaved very badly with Y , now Y never behaved badly with me, but it is very much possible that sometime Y behaved very badly with Z , and it was just his (I am a feminist, and believe more often than not HE s wrong) turn to face the music. Its just that the characters changed. Now this brings us to a very interesting link between all humans in this world, cause you never know who is there in your life for what intent. I have focused on the bad part till now, but the same theory holds with the good things in life as well. Guess sometimes it is difficult to see the good that you do coming back to u, but sooner or later it does. And even if it doesn’t come back in the same form , just being a good human gives you some peace of mind and maybe more positive energy to work on other things in life , a reward by itself. Guess the very thought has made me a better person, not that you can improve in a day but at least I have started thinking in this direction . I generally don’t believe in preaching cause I have always believed everyone knows the right from the wrong, the good from the bad and if someone still ignores it , it is their choice and as far as I am concerned my choice was limited to the fact that I liked a person enuf to be his/her friend and beyond that its them but somehow I want people to think of this everytime they know they are not exactly right , that it will come back and it does sound like a horror movie scripts but personally believe this will go a very long way in making this world a better place to be in for all of us . Next time , you bitch about a friend, or use unfair means to get on the top or manipulate people or are simply being judgmental..just THINK !!!

Darker side of life

When God made day , he made night too . Okay, even if God didn't make either of it ( for the atheists around ) when we have the day, the earth would rotate and night would come. It is inevitable. Apart from the scientific reasons, we all are aware of , of how night sets the body clocks right in place, it gives the human mind the rest is requires , it feeds the night time predators , seems like there is more. It has a spiritual importance as well , it kinda makes us see that the dark phases in life are as important as the bright ones, even though it is tough to reason that sometimes. I mean it creates a thankfulness for what you have and what you might not have always , and it makes us able to comprehend the light at the end of the tunnel. It makes you understand , everything in life is a phase that will pass good or bad ,and there is no reason to lose hope. Imagine a world where there was no night but only day , would we appreciate the sunlight as much as we do today, or would it be something that we take for granted. i would bet on the later, cause the human nature has almost never respected the abundance, it has moved after the scarce time after time. Be is gold or platinum, on the retrospective it is just another metal which might be worth a lot thats only cause it was /is scarce , and iron was more abundant, i don't think by the cosmetic standards , junk jewelery looks any worse, at least if worn the right way. Why go we run after the glitter all the time , and never once stand and respect things which are around like say sea shells or maybe even some rocks , they are simply fascinating. i particularly love the fishes and the different colors they come in , all shades of the rainbow and more , but it doesn't create the same kind of the frenzy . I feel like a hypocrite as I say this , cause being married in India less than a year ago , does make you respect gold to some extent, i mean the bride is judged by the amount of gold she is wearing, it is one stmt that defines her family and money they might or might not have but guess we are all a part of the big game plan here yet again . As humans we respect what everyone else does, without giving what matters to us any due consideration. Right from education to jobs , everything is a brand. So are we, what we do , how well we are educated comprises the brand power we have, something very evident when you are in the marriage market . Guess , when it is a arranged marriage people just feel more comfortable with the brand values and I dont say this is wrong but i do hate the instant perceptions we have of people cause of that . And I hate it more cause I am a part of it , when I was in India and came to know someone is from IIT , i instantly judged , there is a nice person here , well educated and smart , they are well educated and smart no doubts on that ,but it is carrying it a bit too far to decide even their characters based on that. The game hasnt changed much across the seven seas in the United states of America, only the brand IIT has been replaced by Harvard and the NYU's and Yale. Are all the smart people inevitably from these schools , or is there hope for people who were not lucky enuf to make it to them or rather didn't even try that hard . Is it a good idea to write off people without giving them a chance to even prove themselves , i would say NO and thats the politically correct answer but real life is not that politically correct all the time . Anyways, this is not something that I had started on today, guess it was just a stray thought that hit me , coming back to the darker things in life...Dont we need opposites in life to understand it other, do nt we need to know bitter to understand sweet , or maybe see cruelty to understand kindness , in my opinion we do. It is difficult to imagine one without the other and the best things in life come with a pinch of salt , or hurt or maybe some disappointments , but guess it is important to just go on . If you can persist long enough , you would get to the better part of the deal . The word 'persist " reminds me of a story, i know i am not that great that people would have a interest in my childhood stories as yet ;-) but still..Anyways , I must have been in the seventh or eighth standard or maybe even sixth ..and there was a daily ritual in the school where one kid was chosen to read one small piece on some virtue in the morning assembly. On one bad day , I was chosen and of all the virtues I chose " persistence " , now it was just 5-6 lines about how important persistence was , but the sad part was I didn't know how to pronounce persistence , the right way. No one taught me and i just could figure out my diction was wrong . Anyways , don't know how many of the students noticed the mistake , considering the fact that if i didn't know , there could be many who wouldn't know I was wrong , and definately my schoool principal with his distorted english wouldnt;-) . As I was done with my piece and the assembly finished , there was a English teacher, who did notice the mistake , and came straight charging for me. I wont ever forget or forgive the way she spoke to me , I mean it was a genuine mistake and she was there to teach not make fun of people. Imagine, realizing you have made a fool out of urself in front of the entire school and then being scolded for the topping. Anyways, I did learn the meaning and the diction of "persistence" from that day onwards and it has been with me for long. While I might have grown past that day , in some small corner of your mind , you never do completely and I guess it is teachers like these who are responsible for most of the kids not wanting to get back to school. I also believe more than the subject , the teacher should know how to handle the kids , and learning would go on its own. Enough thots for a day , will get back ...

Laziness , Vice or Virtue

I know most of u are jumping to tell me Laziness is a vice, LAZY is not something we are ever encouraged to be rather its the last thing we are supposed to learn. But something about laziness is so addictive that most of us fall prey to it sometime or the later . I mean even within the LAzy there are categories , the not so lazy and the extremes . I belong to the latter category, I mean I can virtually do nothing for days and for people who think it is a tall claim i have to prove the point. I have been in the US since May 19th 200 7 and the year has changed on the calender , if you asked me what have I done for all this time- the answer is a big nothing...slept and tv and thats about it. Now this is the trademark of laziness as the lazy group over the world would agree. Now if the whole world was lazy , we wouldnt have a lot of luxuries around us, all great inventions have required a lot of hard work but on the other hand , there wudnt be any wars as well. I mean if Hitler was lazy, he wouldn' t go out ofr his rallies nor wud there be people fighting in real bad weather. The point is if the whole world was lazy , it would be a very peaceful place to be in . Imagine the amount of petrol we would save to , i mean if people are lazy , they would just stay home rather than participate in the weekend madness which invades this country and lately the metros in India too. Saving petrol wud in turn lead to less carbon dioxide emissions , making the world a lot less polluted, which could solve bigger problems like global warming. I could go on and on with this, i mean imagine if all the criminals were lazy too, he wouldnt be out on the streets looking for people to murder and rape, all in all making the world a much safer place too . Last but not the least, i believe relationships would improve to , i mean if you knew there was nowhere you would want to go , you would want to have a better home atmosphere , more cordial so that u can really relax. I could go on and on here , about the good things laziness could bring, but my point here was not that. All I wanted to put forward was there isn't anything good and bad in life around us , it is just how we see it. So its time we stop having dogmatic views and stay open to ideas and people. What seems good might not be good and what is presumed bad might have a good side to it. Its time we stop branding people atleast not till we have given them the first chance to make a impression ..I say this cause I find myself doing it all the time and now its a conscious effort not to be judgemental. What you like and might not like is your territory but deciding it for anyone else is encroaching . This one goes to laziness and peace and a better world together..

Jim Morrison quotes ....he seems so real ...

American Poet and Singer. Member of the American band The Doors and one of rock music's mythic figures. 1943-1971

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”



“I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments.”



“I believe in a long, prolonged, derangement of the senses in order to obtain the unknown.”



“I see myself as a huge fiery comet, a shooting star. Everyone stops, points up and gasps "Oh look at that!" Then- whoosh, and I'm gone...and they'll never see anything like it ever again... and they won't be able to forget me- ever.”



“That's what real love amounts to- letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending- performing. You get to love your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act-”



“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.”



“Love cannot save you from your own fate.”



“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on and individual level. It's got to happen inside first. You can take away a man's political freedom and you won't hurt him- unless you take away his freedom to feel. That can destroy him. That kind of freedom can't be granted. Nobody can win it for you.”



“I like people who shake other people up and make them feel uncomfortable.”



“People fear death even more than pain. It's strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess it is a friend...”

..
Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as ravens claws.”



“The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder.”



“Where's your will to be weird?”



“I wouldn't mind dying in a plane crash. It'd be a good way to go. I don't want to die in my sleep, or of old age, or OD...I want to feel what it's like. I want to taste it, hear it, smell it. Death is only going to happen to you once; I don't want to miss it.”



“This is the strangest life I've ever known.”



“I think the highest and lowest points are the important ones. Anything else is just...in between. I want the freedom to try everything.”


“"as i look back...over my life...i am struck by post cards...ruined snapshots...faded posters...of a time..i can't recall”




“the future's uncertain and the end is always near”
.



“I believe in a long, prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown. Our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us.”




“We fear violence less than our own feelings. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict.”
...


“Each generation wants new symbols, new people, new names. They want to divorce themselves from their predecessors.”



“Being drunk is a good disguise. I drink so I can talk to assholes. This includes me.”




“Whoever controls the media, controls the mind”


“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. ...You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask.”



“I think in art, but especially in films, people are trying to confirm their own existences.”



“When you make your peace with authority, you become authority.”



“I am the lizard king. I can do anything.”



“There are things known, and there are things unknown, And in between are the Doors”



“Drugs are a bet with your mind.”



“Let's just say I was testing the bounds of reality. I was curious to see what would happen. That's all it was: curiosity.”

“Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts.”



“Listen, real poetry doesn't say anything; it just ticks off the possibilities. Opens all doors. You can walk through anyone that suits you.”



“How can I set free anyone who doesn't have the guts to stand up alone and declare his own freedom? I think it's a lie – people claim they want to be free – everybody insists that freedom is what they want the most, the most sacred and precious thing a man can possess. But that's bullshit! People are terrified to be set free – they hold on to their chains. They fight anyone who tries to break those chains. It's their security…How can they expect me or anyone else to set them free if they don't really want to be free?”




“The time to hesitate is through.”



“Actually I don't remember being born, It must have happened during one of my black outs.”



“If my poetry aims to achieve anything, it's to deliver people from the limited ways in which they see and feel.”



“You're all a bunch of fuckin' slaves!”



“I am interested in anything about revolt, disorder , chaos-especially activity that seems to have no meaning. It seems to me to be the road toward freedom... Rather than starting inside, I start outside and reach the mental through the physical.”



“Blake said that the body was the soul's prison unless the five senses are fully developed and open. He considered the senses the 'windows of the soul.' When sex involves all the senses intensely, it can be like a mystical experience.”

Living in moments !!

Living life in moments is a feat most of us cant achieve , i mean most of us live in the moments yet to arrive rather than the ones right on hand . Its like if i refrain from spending too much now, i cud have a secure future , if i can work hard at this time , i cud have a better career in times in come , if i didnt smoke , it wud be better for my lungs ..its like every moment now is a plan for a moment in future. Not saying that this is wrong , rather its the sensible thing to do if u can see the bigger picture in life but sometimes, it would be worth staying in the moment and only that , not thinking about one in the past and not living for one in the future. Right here , right now approach , explained so well in a popular hindi track ..and taken to another level by another one ..Har pal yahan jee bhar jeeo , Jo hai sama kal ho na ho . Its so much easier said than done , i mean as humans we are programmed to think about the future, rather almost all living organisms do , in the animal and the plant kingdoms. Even animals save for the cold weather in the spring , they wudnt survive if they weren't futuristic. So maybe this NOT living "moment by moment" is a survival technique, most of us have mastered by default without even realising it .. and the ones who havent just dont ... i mean look at all teh great rockstars , most of them live in the moment and die young... so is it better to die young and happy than to be all cautious about life and live to a grand old age with all the wisdom , you cant use urself but only share. . It is a tough call to make , this one .. personally , i believe in the living in the moment only when it is convinient...Like i know i shud be dieting and come across some ice cream or any other high fat foods , i wud go ahead and eat it with the philosophy of , ,kal ho na ho .or if i really wanted to be with someone , long term or short term or very short term. I remember a incidence when i was in IMT for Wisebyte and came across a real stud and for 3 days , i just lived with the idea of him in a different plane, well i had almost all my girl friends for company on this plane one but it was three great days ...i mean no jealousy even when we all were in the game together, sportsman spirit at its best ..it ended with a invitation to dance on the last day of the fest (yeah i won )...and it was over the moment we were on the train back ..i can hardly remember the name now, aseem or azeem ..or something similiar , university was jamia milia islamia... see it is much easier to remember what u already kknow that things you learn for the first time...i mean the name of a stranger .. now this was just harmless fun but sometimes it is not soo harmless and then u have to decide on the greater evil and make a choice ... not easy ..why is to so much easier to do the wrong things in life than the right .. assuming i am sticking ot the stereotype definations of right and wrong...am sure some of my more illuminated friends will definately come up with the theory of there is nothing wrong or right just perceptions of people who look at it ...hence the definition ..i mean examples here are, it is wrong to kill someone , it is wrong to double cross , it is wrong to pretent to be great , it is right to be loyal and honest and trutful .. so u get the point here ..it is so much easier to come up with a lie than the truth , to be a nerd rather than a nice human being ..to just solve issues by killing people .. you dont like ...well i guess am getting off track again , the question was and remains ...which is a better pay back mode in life , to live by moments or to plan a zillion light years ahead .. .my vote is for the first option ..and i wont defend it , it is just what i feel in this moment;-))

If you can define what u want , when u get it is a matter of time ... but the problem lies with the definations... It is so much more dificult to know what u really want in life...Sometimes the very things u dont have create a urgency and when u end up having it , u realise it wasnt exactly what u were after .. Was wondering if it is only me or everyone running after things they dont even know if they really want .. why this thought today, guess cause today has been one of those days when u question everything about urself ..the whys and the whats in life and it never ends with a answer rather a question . It is so much easier to just go on with life without using too much of ur grey cells...get up ..have chai ...watch tv ...have a bath ..watch tv again , sleep for some time..study if u really have to ..cook and clean and watch tv again ..and end with chai.. but there is a voice inside of u that isnt too happy with this state of affairs ...it keeps getting louder and more and more irritating is this all u want...is this all ur worth and it sets the thots in motion ..wish i had a answer sometime and cud rest with the thot ..but i dont and i guess i need to come up with one sometime ..Life is short , enjoy it while is lasts, definately sensible , guess lets u get away from the questions in head and lets u just treat this day as any other day and go on with life ..cant even remember the last time i felt this way, but i guess it is good once in a while ...helps u come in terms with urself neways enuf ... moving to lighter things in life( am not one this days ) , just how much tv do u think a sensible person can watch in a day? been trying to work out a solution to this inane issue during the last few days and i have arrived at a golden figure of 4 hrs ...now this is when u r not watching movies ..if movies are included can be xtended to 6 hrs .Anything beyond this would slowly but surely kill ur enthusiasm for TV in general. which iiss not a good thing fro long term perspective. I mean in this day and time there arent better timepasses than this one and if u got sick of it too soon ..there wud be a void dificult to fill up ..just one of those days , when i worry about the TV too , guess its really time to log off ...