dont really have a title..

- Being the kind of communicative person I am , which most people I know would agree to , it feels strange that I cudnt think of a title for this blog ..may be it is one of those days , when u mind seems to blank out .. I am not saying but it could be wine ..from a California vine .. waah waah ..yeh to cheap type ka shayri ho gyaa .. but I guess titles restrict u and ur thot process .. so when you start writing without one ,it opens up the whole universe to contemplate and think about .. while if u have a title , you cannot move away from it ... cause that wud be absurd .. .. So with a vast domain and some wine in my system , what could I possibly think of . .to start of with , possibly more alchohol.. .thats the first thot you have when u have some . .but thats out of question , with meher , I just cant afford to have a hang over , cause she doesn't have one and unless we are on the same page , life can get pretty tough .. which moves me to the second thot , some tv , which I am already up to date with , meaning all episodes that are recorded and have to b watched are watched .. which gets you to the 3rd option , some chit chat .. that's when I realise K2 is already sleeping for a while .. and so is Meher, for a change .. then I think about cleaning the house , have one look at the mess and drop the idea .. which gets to this option , clearing the virtual mess from your mind . .the clutter that thots create when you cant get them out .. and my mind seems to be working overtime today ...how do we define a happy life ,I guess one part of u defines it in terms of everything you wanted and got and the second part , one really hidden and obscure part , might say it is something you dont even realize , so cant want . .and when the second part comes across strongly , the restlessness increases ...cause you just have to find out .. I cant really pinpoint the reason but there are some people , I have always been obsessed about , I mean I just need to know whats going on with them. .and K2 would get worried about it , but he realised it in time and it wasn't gender specific . .so it has to be more of a trait than anything else ..does that make se psychotic , i guess some ppl might think that way , but I have weighed every aspect of it , and every single time ,the conclusion is simple .. they are people who have really touched your life ..and maybe moved on .. and it does not necessarily have any romantic strings attached ..it could just be anyone ..who has made a impact , strong enuf for you think and rethink about it .. like one english teacher I used to have in the 8th grade, he taught us for just a year , I guess 20 yrs back and I have still wondered ...where he is , or what he is up to .. was that a crush , I wudn't think so .. cause what I remember are things he said , not who he was or how he looked ..and I think that's what stays , in the impressionable mind. ..wud he have ever wondered abot me , or what I was up to in life , hell NO .. he wudnt even recognize me , but that doesn't deter me .. now this brings me to the real crushes in life , wudnt really think of it but I had a heart to heart conversation with a friend and she brought up the topic and that got me thinking .. Haven;t really mentioned , but the first crush ( beleive it or not ) was on a guy when I was in standard 2 ( small even by my standards ) but I liked his pencil box .. and wanted to be his friend for that .. well I moved on from there to a guy in the 5th standard who sat with me but wanted to sit with some other girl and broke my pencil a million times ..why , cause he was good at spray painting .. that died not long after it was conceived , and moved on further .. no crushes for a long time . .which is weird cause now ..other people seemed to find me interesting . .the next big crush was I guess , in the 10th standard ,when I had this crush on a guy who had a crush on our senior and we were all a happy family together playing TT in the gameroom , it was a happy arrangement , he used to be happy looking at my senior who used to play with me and I used to be happy looking at him and no one was getting hurt .. it was a typical win win .. solution .. .. and had another crush .. this time on the most ineligible bachelor ( in the vast pool available) at the time .. no respect for girls or teachers or studies ..and he had like the best smile in the world .. and thats when it started hurting . .over and over again .. and thats when I grew up to realise , this wasn't the fun stuff it seemed to be .. but then I hardly had any control like every one else on what you like when u r 15 .. and whatever it is , it consumes u and u r whole life . The absurd part is when I see the same guy 10 years down the line , all I wonder is why him .. was I crazy .. maybe , but it was what it was .. a part of life I cant disown and guess something that wud have helped me , shaped me in some way.. so if I go back to my fundas , he was like a part of the big plan . .in my life and I had things t o learn along the way .. and he might just have been a zariyaa .. (Cant find the right english word) - well life moved and it was the end of crush time .. for a long long time .. and gets me to the latest and lasting crush .. now this one has to be anonymous , just cause of the kind of reach internet has .. these days ..and you never know who knows whom;-)) , some of my friends can definitely take a guess , it was a group crush .. but still a real one .. .. Dont know where I started and how I got to this .. guess some days ..some people..somewhere make you think of them.. (next karan johar .catch line);-))

Back to ..

Ever wondered why some people seem to have a strange place in your life , even when have not been in touch for ages ..its like they are there , , in u r thots , in u r mind , maybe the back of it . .you might try and move away but they stay .. not matter what .. its not them but you who holds on or maybe they do too .. Anything which has this lingering memory would have been great at some time .. ..

I guess , one of the best parameters of judging how close u r too ppl is the time you meet them and how much it takes you to let them know what ur biggest problems are .. or how comfortably you can ask the most uncomfortable questions ..without thinking about them .. or worrying about sounding weird ..

In this day and age ,when just getting through the day is a chore for most people with family careers and a innately busy life , if to know you have a connection with people ,okay some people , u r lucky even if you can count 2 .. even if it is not expressed through frequent phone calls or mails or messages .. just the thot is good enuf . ..cause that's what matters ..

Thinking is all it takes ..